


The Measures Of Harm

by QueenOfNewOrleans22



Series: The Silent Cries [2]
Category: Guns N' Roses
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Drug Addiction, Gen, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:06:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25135120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfNewOrleans22/pseuds/QueenOfNewOrleans22
Summary: Duff McKagan is not an idiot, contrary to what some of his friends might say in disagreement, and he sees more than just the surface of what goes on behind the scenes.Namely- Axl's rising temperament and Slash's worsening addiction.
Relationships: Axl Rose/Slash | Saul Hudson, Duff Mckagan & Slash | Saul Hudson
Series: The Silent Cries [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1823191
Comments: 11
Kudos: 13





	The Measures Of Harm

Duff is not an idiot, contrary to the opinions of his many friends and acquaintances, and he sees more than he's really given credit for. 

He doesn't know quite when it started, when little things here and there began to become so much more, but he knows that sometime in the early or mid 80s, after a show, they return to their hotel and Duff is tired enough to nearly drop dead on the floor below, but forces himself to walk to the elevator and wait for Slash and his shaking fingers to unlock the door. It's taking ages and Duff really, _really_ isn't much in the mood to have to drag Izzy or somebody out of bed to help them because Duff couldn't really see straight and lord knows that getting Axl would just result in more trouble, so he stands and watches and then grunts, grabbing the key more roughly than originally planned, a little more suddenly than hoped, and Slash, who had picked many fights with people twice his size and who never backed down no matter how dangerous it was, flinched backwards, hard enough and fast enough to knock his shoulder against the threshold of the door. 

Duff stops and looks at him for a minute, wishing he could see Slash's eyes but unable to because of his sunglasses, and they stand and stare for what seems like forever before Duff decides that it wasn't worth mentioning. To this day, he doesn't know why he didn't, but back then he assumes that the drugs had played a part in his sluggishness and that Duff had startled him out of a trance, and he doesn't think about it again until the next day, midmorning, when Slash is muttering to himself and strumming vaguely on his guitar. Duff looks at him, a hunched figure dressed in black, and wonders, but doesn't say. 

Axl is falling into an abyss of black, and it shows. He has a shorter temper and he launches into a yelling tirade of the slightest mistake or inclination. Duff is rarely at the other end of the yelling and insults, but never fails to hear them no matter how far away he is. Steven is no longer _Steven,_ not really, and in the rare times that he manages to make it to rehearsal, there's always a barrage of criticism that Axl never fails to make known. Izzy also managed to escape the infamous temper, usually fading into the background or making himself scarce until the yelling fades into venomous glares. Slash shares the brunt alongside Steven, occasionally yelling back when Axl turns his temper onto the guitarist, but usually staying silent and taking it. Slash takes the words and drowns them in a bottle of whiskey, staying up until the meagre hours and doing nothing but writing idly on a piece of paper that usually ends up torn apart and making odd chords on his guitar that sound like an attempt to play but are nothing more than the product of a mind that was tearing itself apart. 

One night, Slash doesn't immediately go to the hotel room he and Duff are sharing after they play, and Duff worries but doesn't do anything. He knows that Slash will return, because one of his snakes, some unidentifiable creature that Duff didn't even know the name of, was in its enclosure on the dresser and Slash wouldn't have left it. 

What could be he have done, truly? _You should've looked for him._

_You could've helped him._

_You could've saved him._

Duff falls asleep and wakes up because somebody had bumped into his bed hard enough to put him awake from a deep sleep. A figure, thin as a twig and immediately identifiable, tumbles to the ground, and Duff sits up. "Slash?" He says into the darkness. 

A sound, not quite a sigh but not quite a groan, and then Slash stands back up, using the bed post to hold himself up. "Go back to sleep, Duffy." Slash says, hoarse and rough, and with only the faint outline of his figure visible in the night that had overtaken them, Slash stumbles to his bed and lays down, not even bothering to remove his boots, just laying down and Duff is pretty sure that Slash didn't even fall asleep, but doesn't check. Whatever is going on is none of his business, Duff thinks to himself. The next day, Slash is quiet and withdrawn and is wearing a long sleeved shirt despite the blistering heat. His sunglasses never leave his face, which makes it impossible to tell if he was truly sleeping when Duff finds him a few hours after Axl leaves the studio or just sitting in that slumped position with his head resting in his arms for the hell of it, but Duff tells everybody to be quiet and to under no circumstances disturb the guitarist. 

Slash dives into alcohol and drugs like a swimmer into a pool, delving into the possibility to get his mind off of everything that was happening. Duff watches as Steven doesn't show up for rehearsal and Axl proceeds to curse out Slash while the guitarist, in a fierce change from his usual demeanor when confronted, shrinks into himself. 

' _He's not okay.'_ Duff thinks as Axl points an accusing finger at Slash. 

Duff isn't completely sure which one he's referring to. 

It continues. Duff isn't completely sure what's going on, but he's starting to form an idea. Assumptions won't do anybody any good. Yet Duff is sure that Axl is the one causing all of this. He is the root of the problem. But there's not a single thing that Duff can do about Axl, not without his own position being thrown out to the wolves, but he can help Slash as much as he can. 

Whenever Slash falls asleep carlessly, Duff takes off his boots and pulls the blanket over his sleeping friend. When Slash forgets to eat or ignored it entirely, Duff will make him something to eat. Duff tries to encourage him and give him hope, to replace what had been lost. 

When Slash' heart stopped, it was one of the most terrifying moments of Duff's life. 

In the end, Slash was fine. Axl became even worse, if possible. But Slash was okay, and they continued this unsteady balance. 

The 80s passed by, and they entered the 90s with Steven being kicked out. Slash was no longer the person that he once was, and Duff hated it, hated Axl, and hated himself for not doing anything. Izzy may not have been as oblivious as he pretended to be, judging by his concerned glances and the light touches against Slash' shoulder like his own version of asking if he was okay. 

The longer it went on, the longer it seemed like Slash wasn't even himself. Just a pale imitation who didn't even sound the same. 

When it all came to a head, Izzy has already left. Duff found Slash, alone and hurting, inside a room that Axl had just vacated. Duff had found Slash and done the only thing that made sense, and held him as every frustration, every fear, was let out. By the time it was done, hours seemed to have gone by, and Duff knew what he had to do. For Slash. For his broken guitarist. 

Duff had told him to run. 

And Slash had done as told. He'd ran, and ran. Duff had made sure he had ran, and that he was safe, and that Axl didn't ask-no, demand for him to come back. Duff had done what he did best, and made sure that Slash was away from danger in the form of a man. 

And then he followed suit, and he ran, too. 


End file.
